“god, full of mercy, who dwells above, give rest on the wings of the divine presence, amongst the holy, pure and glorious who shine like the sky, to the soul of this woman for whom prayer was offered in the memory of her soul. therefore, the merciful one will protect her soul forever, and will merge her soul with eternal life. the everlasting is her heritage, and she shall rest peacefully at her lying place, and let us say: amen.”
For rhoda marlin, and all the jews who came before me
in preparation for and come apart
please gather:
a sweet drink poured in a cup
a warm scent that reminds you of your History
a candle to burn with matches or lighter
and a cloth to cover your eyes
to begin the virtual performance of and come apart
press play below -
cover your eyes with cloth
keep your gathered materials close by for the end of the performance
Matriarchs of Our Own
Below are a handful of stories collected from our team about maternal or matriarchal figures in their own lives. These women and countless others shaped many of our conversations as we brought and come apart to life.
Rhoda Marlin | Grandmother to Eric Marlin (Playwright)
She’s always been fascinating to me because while she was born in America, she was raised in a community of recently immigrated Jews in East New York. Her parents only spoke Yiddish at home. And, as a result, my grandmother, more than anyone else in our family, knew that she embodied a transitional generation – one that was beginning to assimilate into this country. Because of that, she was committed to recording our family history. She actually wrote two books before she passed, documenting all our family’s history and good gossip. She was without a doubt a tough cookie, but I’m so grateful that she had that awareness to record the stories of who we were before the United States. Otherwise, a lot of that understanding could’ve been lost.
Charlotte Thurschwell | Great-Aunt to Lila Rachel Becker (Director)
My sister looks just like my mom. And until I saw this picture, I thought I didn't look like anyone in my family. But then I saw this picture of my Auntie Char and saw myself. Auntie Char is smart, funny, and charming. People can't help but love her. She once told me a story from when she was eight and living in West Philadelphia. Her mom would give her a nickel every week to go to the five and dime store and buy stationary because she loved to write. One day, she came home with a fancy pen, and her mother knew she couldn't possibly have bought it with just a nickel. She dragged Auntie Char back to the five and dime to apologize for stealing it and give it back.
Anna Ries | Grandma to Luke Daniel White (Dramaturg)
My grandma arrived in New York harbor on Christmas Day 1956 and started a new life. But I think living an austere farm life in Hungary, surviving the great depression and then the second world war, may have forced her to keep her heart wrapped in a kind of steel wool. It was difficult to love her sometimes. But looking back, I’ve realized that many of those moments when I was most frustrated by the way she carried herself and what she demanded of me, were often the same moments that she was teaching me discipline and resolve. She was showing me how to withstand a world that tries to kick and keep you down. Because of it, on my hardest days, I remember that my grandma survived, and so can I.
Leticia Madamba Valdes | Mother to Ching Valdes-Aran (Actor)
My mother is the main reason I’m now a bona fide New Yorker living in NY for more than five decades as an artist. She fell in love with NY in the late forties while she accompanied my father, Jesus C. Valdes, who had come here to finish his medical internship at NYU Medical Center. The photos they brought home to the Philippines were imprinted in mind and I knew the sights of NY on the palms of my hands. But what intrigued my imagination most were their photos with friends frolicking in the snow! I remember my mother saying "It's not that I don't love you, but if I had my life back, I would have traveled first before I got married," but my siblings do not remember this!
Anna Corr | Bubbe to Meredith Alexander (Actor)
Before leaving for a year of study in Europe, I visited my Bubbe. When she opened the door, she smiled – the first one she’d ever shown me. An Orthodox Jew her whole life, she’d sat shiva when my mother married a gentile! Now her face was tender, lit from some deep source inside. She took my face in her hands and held it there while she looked into my eyes, as if searching for something familiar. I knew the moment she found it, because in the transference of the glance, I found something of my own through her. Even though I knew her history as a Jew who had fled the pogroms of Europe, and my own as a self-identified but non-observant Jew, I understood that her history is my history no matter where I live.
Resources
and come apart presents the story of one particular family’s journey through migration, diaspora, and assimilation as a case study to explore these topics more broadly. We invite you now to re/connect to your own people’s intersections with and divergences from these topics. Below in alphabetical order are a handful of places to start.
Angel Island: Immigrant Voices
From 1910 to 1940, Angel Island was the site of a U.S. Immigration Station that processed approximately half a million people during its operation while simultaneously enforcing policies explicitly designed to exclude many would-be Pacific Coast immigrants from entering the country. Explore a robust archive of recorded stories collected from past and more recent Pacific Coast immigrants.
Ellis Island: Oral History Project
From 1892 to 1924, nearly 12 million people were processed at this U.S. Immigration Station in the middle of New York Harbour. Hear their stories by listening to the nearly 2,000 interviews made available by the Ellis Island National Museum of Immigration’s Oral History Project.
The Museum of Contemporary African Diasporan Arts
MoCADA uses the visual and performing arts as a point of departure for inciting dialogue on pressing social and political issues facing the African Diaspora, while fostering a dynamic space for the creation and continuous evolution of culture. Explore its virtual galleries, exclusive museum notes; suggested films, podcasts, playlists; workshop recordings, and much more.
Native Land Digital strives to create and foster conversations about the history of colonialism, Indigenous ways of knowing, and settler-Indigenous relations. Explore the ever-evolving digital map that allows you to learn more about Indigenous territories and languages local to wherever you reside in the Americas.
Smithsonian National Museum of African American History & Culture
NMAAHC is devoted exclusively to the documentation of African American life, history, and culture. Browse the museum’s collection through the Smithsonian’s Open Access Initiative, read through Collection Stories in which NMAAHC staff interpret some of the museum’s most meaningful collections, listen to special Curator Chats, and much more.
This initiative of the Tenement Museum in New York City and its partners across the United States explores American immigration and migration through crowd-sourced stories of everyday objects. These objects come from many different kinds of families with all sorts of histories: people who were adopted, people whose families are indigenous to the Americas, people who were forced to migrate from their home countries, those who are the descendants of enslaved people, and people who are unsure of their cultural heritage. Explore the curated collections and consider adding a story of your own!
special thanks to
Emelia Asiedu, Naomi Becker, Susan Bernfield, William Burke, Marieta Carrero, Rahul Chakraborty, Mary Beth Easley, Meghan Finn, Jim Fleming, Michael Francis, Nicole Gabrione, Morgan Grambo, Charles Green, Holly Grum, Sarah Hamilton, Nicholas Hamilton, Alexis Healey, Rhoda Marlin, Leigh M. Marshall, Laakan McHardy, Courtney Meaker, Emmy Palmersheim, Beatrice Robbins, Mike & Becky Rodriguez, Justin Samoy, Patrick Sayers, Ramona Scott, Kai Swanson, Melissa Teng, Jaynie Saunders Tiller, Martha Toll & Dan Becker, Bries Vannon, Monica von Halle, Kimberly Wadsworth, Molly Winstead, Lisa Xoana